* The rapid
deterioration of mom's health was extremely devastating and traumatic. Two
months back in early September, we were still enjoying the regular Sunday
breakfast together after the exercise routine in USJ 4 park. In August she was
participating so enthusiastically in the NG Family Mahjong Competition. Back in
March, the 4 generations of the family had a fabulous holiday together touring
Central Vietnam. Even the tour guide was marveling how sprightly and healthy
she was for a 90 year old.
Some 6 weeks back when
I first took leave from work to spend an afternoon with her, we had such
quality time together. We watched Hokkien drama series on TV over afternoon
coffee. She taught me the correct way to cook an authentic pumpkin rice and the
family recipe for pig trotters stewed in black vinegar. I also asked her to
tell me stories about her family and her childhood days. We talked for hours.
It crossed my mind then, that I would record and write her stories over the
next few weeks. The following and subsequent weeks I was with her, I had my
note pad all ready to listen and record her stories. Unfortunately her health
declined drastically by the days. Talking became an effort. Regretfully, I might
never be able to write and chronicle her life stories.
In writing this short story
I tried to recall and piece together the rather casual and disjointed
conversations we had during the first 2
weeks in late September. The story is rather sketchy and might not even be
factually accurate but nevertheless a priceless memory as narrated by our
beloved mom, grandmother and great grandmother that needs to be translated into
words and share with the rest of the family.
Of the 10 siblings, 8 of them had passed away. Only she and
her youngest sister are still alive. She said her youngest sister was the most
pitiful among the siblings and still leads a miserable live. She was given
away soon after birth to a relative with many sons and betrothed to marry one
of them when she came of age. As a result she grew up full of resentment, constantly
being teased about her bridal child status and the little boy who was to be her
future husband. Despite coming back to stay with her family when she was in her
early teens, her father refused to break
the pledge to marry her to one the boys. Mom did not said whether it was a
happy marriage but 4th Aunt became a widow with very young children when her
husband died in an accident. She stayed on with her husband's family raising
her young children, suffering in silence and never remarried. The children grew
up, married, moved away and have their own lives. Presently she is staying with
one of the sons who unfortunately is an undependable drug addict and her miserable
life continues without respite into her old age.
Her father like most Chinese men of the time was feudalistic
in his thinking preferring sons to daughters. The preferential treatment for
sons meant girls were often neglected. Mom did not had a chance to go to school until about 10
years old. Being myopic since childhood, she had difficulties reading from the
blackboard and coping the notes. As a result she never performed well in her
studies. Although glasses were available at that time, her parents did not
bother. Girls wearing spectacles also carried a stigma that was deemed unattractive
and would put off any potential suitor. It happened that Singapore 2nd Aunt (二
姑) was her classmate then and was a brilliant student. So mom used to borrow
and copy her notes.
Mom got married when she was 16 (17 according to lunar
calendar). It was at the height of the Japanese occupation of Malaya. Stories
of chilling Japanese war atrocities spread like wildfire. Hordes of Chinese men
were imprisoned and killed. Girls and young women were taken away to serve as
comfort women. Parents with daughters of marriageable age were anxious to marry
them off. Her father was then running a sundry shop and was doing quite well
financially. Despite living at the edge of the jungle to avoid the Japanese
army, there was no shortage of rice and provisions for the family. A few
coolies working for her dad were very keen on her but was rejected outright by
their Towkay as they were poor and deemed unworthy.
Recalling a story told by 2nd Aunt (二 姑) many years back,
dad had spied on her classmate (mom) and was enamored. I never had a chance to
ask dad whether it was love at first sight. Anyway a matchmaker was engaged to
approach mom's dad (外公) to ask for her hand. Apparently, mom's dad approved of
the match and an engagement ceremony was arranged. Mom said her parents never
asked for her opinion or consent. She did not even know what dad looked like.
She only knew that he worked at a clinic at that time.
To get married, a copy of the birth certificate was
required. She told me repeatedly that her dad was very embarrassed because he
did not bother to register her birth at that time (birth of daughter was deemed
insignificant). It was after some effort and bribery through an intermediary
that they managed to produce a birth certificate for her. At the betrothal
ceremony, the blushing and timid young maiden did not even dare to lift her
head to peek at her husband-to-be.
After her marriage into the Ng Family, a geomancer was
consulted and he recommended that mom changed her name because it clashed with
one of the ancestors. Hence, she was given a new name and was known as Lee Saw
Yan ever since. I did not dare ask how she would rate her arranged marriage.
However, judging from the lifelong matrimony of over 7 decades at close
quarters, apart from some minor tiff and transgressions by dad in the early
years, the couple grew very close by the time the children were all grown up.
So like all fairy tales, the ending was... they lived happily ever after......
simon 17 Nov 2016
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