RECOLLECTIONS OF MOM.... the early years

I would love to continue narrating Mom's stories if I could but circumstances are such that it has to be put on hold indefinitely for now. My earliest recollections of mom started from the time when we moved into the 2nd floor of the shop house in the middle of Kluang town when I was around 5 or 6 years old. My earlier years in our family home in Jalan Haji Manan were a complete blank.

Mom is an extrovert. Generous, kindhearted, approachable, friendly and has, in today's lingo, excellent PR skills. She is close to every family members old and young alike and loved by both close and distant relatives. She makes friends easily where ever she goes. Dad on the other hand was the exact opposite character. Cold, distant, aloof and not the easiest person to approach and talk to even for us children when we were young.

Mom was ever the gracious host. Kind, courteous and generous offering every visitor to the house a cup of Milo, then considered a nutritious and luxurious drink. We kids only get to drink Milo when we were sick. I grew up associating Milo with sickness. I can assure you, when you were running a high fever and nauseous, the drink would not go down very well. With such traumatic memories still deeply entrenched, I have not touched that stuff for a very very long time since.

There were generally 2 categories of visitors in those days.

The first being the relatives from both mom's and dad's sides. Dad was generally anti-social and would do the disappearing act whenever a visitor dropped by. Dad had the habit of either reading the papers or napping while lying on his favorite canvas lounge chair in the living room, dressed only in his homemade pajama boxer short and white Pagoda singlet. Whenever he heard voices of relatives coming up the stairs, he would jump to his feet and fled into the bedroom. Even back then, I find it comical. Of course there were occasions when he was caught off guard. The situation was rather embarrassing so mom took a couple of dad's long pants to cut and sew them into shorts for him.

Then there was the occasional visit usually in the morning by 2nd great grand uncle who was an opium smoker. He would come by for some money to support his habit, but I can't ever remember seeing dad spoke to him. Usually the money was passed to him by mom. Every once in a few months, a poor distant relative from Paloh would drop by. Mom would pass to her bundles of clothing we no longer wear for her children and other goodies.

Festive seasons especially the days before the Chinese New Year  were always a busy time. The giving and exchange of live chickens, ducks, cakes and other goodies would go on for countless rounds. There were no courier services then. The kids would do all the delivery service either on foot or bicycle running to and fro with the baskets of foods. The grumbling house help was not spared either from the task.

Outstation relatives who stayed over at the house were treated like royalties. Eating out at a restaurant was not in vogue then so mom had to cook up a storm. Every meal was a big feast. All her servings were super large to ensure it was enough for everyone and never ran out or it would be a big loss of face. I remembered those huge pots of herbal chicken soup that mom brewed. A big bowl must be served to each guest before they departed for their journey home.

The other category of visitors to the house were mostly mom's mahjong kakis. These house wives would normally come after lunch and played until about 5pm when it was time to go back to cook dinner. Occasionally, I would sit behind mom and watched her play. So by the time I was 7, I was already familiar with the game. I do not know how far back this Mahjong culture has been with the Ng family but it should be at least 4  generations counting back to my grandmother's time. With the current interest among family members, Mahjong is likely to remain a favorite past time for many more generations to come.

Being an introvert child (Dad's genes) I became very domesticated. Besides the hobby of observing ants and reading, I would follow mom around the house watching her going about her task. That was how I picked up my initial cooking and sewing skills. My daughter is still fascinated by the fact that I can sew and operate a sewing machine.

simon    18 Nov 2016

MOM'S STORY

* The rapid deterioration of mom's health was extremely devastating and traumatic. Two months back in early September, we were still enjoying the regular Sunday breakfast together after the exercise routine in USJ 4 park. In August she was participating so enthusiastically in the NG Family Mahjong Competition. Back in March, the 4 generations of the family had a fabulous holiday together touring Central Vietnam. Even the tour guide was marveling how sprightly and healthy she was for a 90 year old.

Some 6 weeks back when I first took leave from work to spend an afternoon with her, we had such quality time together. We watched Hokkien drama series on TV over afternoon coffee. She taught me the correct way to cook an authentic pumpkin rice and the family recipe for pig trotters stewed in black vinegar. I also asked her to tell me stories about her family and her childhood days. We talked for hours. It crossed my mind then, that I would record and write her stories over the next few weeks. The following and subsequent weeks I was with her, I had my note pad all ready to listen and record her stories. Unfortunately her health declined drastically by the days. Talking became an effort. Regretfully, I might never be able to write and chronicle her life stories.

In writing this short story I tried to recall and piece together the rather casual and disjointed conversations  we had during the first 2 weeks in late September. The story is rather sketchy and might not even be factually accurate but nevertheless a priceless memory as narrated by our beloved mom, grandmother and great grandmother that needs to be translated into words and share with the rest of the family.

Mom was born somewhere in Selangor on 17th December 1927. She was the 5th child and the 2nd eldest girl in a family of 10 children consisting of 6 sons and 4 daughters. I later learned that the youngest son (6th Uncle) was actually adopted. Her parents were married in China. Shortly after the marriage, her father (外公) decided to seek his fortune in Malaya along with the wave of Chinese immigrants in the early 20th Centuries. The eldest child ( 大 姨) was born in China. 3 years later, her father arranged for her mother to join him in Malaya. Like some Chinese migrants at that time, he had already taken in a concubine by then. Her  mother (外婆) only learned of the situation after she arrived and was totally devastated. Nevertheless, they went on and have 9 more children.

Of the 10 siblings, 8 of them had passed away. Only she and her youngest sister are still alive. She said her youngest sister was the most pitiful among the siblings and still leads a miserable live. She was given away soon after birth to a relative with many sons and betrothed to marry one of them when she came of age. As a result she grew up full of resentment, constantly being teased about her bridal child status and the little boy who was to be her future husband. Despite coming back to stay with her family when she was in her early teens, her father refused  to break the pledge to marry her to one the boys. Mom did not said whether it was a happy marriage but 4th Aunt became a widow with very young children when her husband died in an accident. She stayed on with her husband's family raising her young children, suffering in silence and never remarried. The children grew up, married, moved away and have their own lives. Presently she is staying with one of the sons who unfortunately is an undependable drug addict and her miserable life continues without respite into her old age.

Her father like most Chinese men of the time was feudalistic in his thinking preferring sons to daughters. The preferential treatment for sons meant girls were often neglected. Mom did not  had a chance to go to school until about 10 years old. Being myopic since childhood, she had difficulties reading from the blackboard and coping the notes. As a result she never performed well in her studies. Although glasses were available at that time, her parents did not bother. Girls wearing spectacles also carried a stigma that was deemed unattractive and would put off any potential suitor. It happened that Singapore 2nd Aunt (二 姑) was her classmate then and was a brilliant student. So mom used to borrow and copy her notes.

Mom got married when she was 16 (17 according to lunar calendar). It was at the height of the Japanese occupation of Malaya. Stories of chilling Japanese war atrocities spread like wildfire. Hordes of Chinese men were imprisoned and killed. Girls and young women were taken away to serve as comfort women. Parents with daughters of marriageable age were anxious to marry them off. Her father was then running a sundry shop and was doing quite well financially. Despite living at the edge of the jungle to avoid the Japanese army, there was no shortage of rice and provisions for the family. A few coolies working for her dad were very keen on her but was rejected outright by their Towkay as they were poor and deemed unworthy.

Recalling a story told by 2nd Aunt (二 姑) many years back, dad had spied on her classmate (mom) and was enamored. I never had a chance to ask dad whether it was love at first sight. Anyway a matchmaker was engaged to approach mom's dad (外公) to ask for her hand. Apparently, mom's dad approved of the match and an engagement ceremony was arranged. Mom said her parents never asked for her opinion or consent. She did not even know what dad looked like. She only knew that he worked at a clinic at that time.

To get married, a copy of the birth certificate was required. She told me repeatedly that her dad was very embarrassed because he did not bother to register her birth at that time (birth of daughter was deemed insignificant). It was after some effort and bribery through an intermediary that they managed to produce a birth certificate for her. At the betrothal ceremony, the blushing and timid young maiden did not even dare to lift her head to peek at her husband-to-be.

After her marriage into the Ng Family, a geomancer was consulted and he recommended that mom changed her name because it clashed with one of the ancestors. Hence, she was given a new name and was known as Lee Saw Yan ever since. I did not dare ask how she would rate her arranged marriage. However, judging from the lifelong matrimony of over 7 decades at close quarters, apart from some minor tiff and transgressions by dad in the early years, the couple grew very close by the time the children were all grown up. So like all fairy tales, the ending was... they lived happily ever after......

simon   17 Nov 2016